Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
