Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
