There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
