I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
