If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
