Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
