when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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