I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
