i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
