I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
