I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
