I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
