This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
