i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
