Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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