Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
