I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Randomize
