I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
