I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
