Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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