turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
