When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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