K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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