when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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