I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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