We're facebook friends in real life
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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