about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
