So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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