i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
