remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
