I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
