she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
