i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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