she kept yelling 'call me bella'
a search helicopter?!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
