Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
