God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
