remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
