WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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