i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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