Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
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