she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
