it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He shit in the fireplace
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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