the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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