like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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