I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
