Screwed.edu
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
