Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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