i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
