So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
