i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i love accidental penises.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's blow job season.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
