all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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