Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
