You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Randomize
