Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
