In the future we'll all be gay
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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