he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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