I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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