drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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