I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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