My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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