last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
